if only i could turn back time, by Jenny Stone, Flickr

I was diagnosed with bipolar II this week. At first I was in denial, but now looking over my life (especially this past year) it explains a lot.

This bout of mania started in March. It was triggered when I cheated on a girl I was dating (who was so incredibly amazing, sweet and nice) with my ex-gf. I impulsively broke the lease of a shitty apartment I was in and moved to a fancy loft in the heart of downtown which was double the rent I was paying before. At this time, I started DJing regularly at clubs and hanging out with party kids. I was drinking heavily and instead of taking care of all the unopened envelopes that kept piling up, I wasted time with my friends in a drunken daze, pissing off the people who were concerned and cared about me. I didn’t care. I was on top of the world and I wanted to be out in the sun, hanging out on the tops of buildings, laying around in pools & boats and having sex with whoever was around. I was in love with everything. I felt unstoppable.

>This lasted for a few months. I took trips that I couldn’t afford, opened new credit cards, bought a $2000 computer, went out to eat & drink constantly and smoked a ton of weed.

And now the debt collectors are calling. I still haven’t filed my state taxes. Significant people in my life have now cut me out of theirs. My power is going to get disconnected in 3 days and my bank account is in the negative.

I keep grabbing but now there’s nothing left to hold on to.



3 responses to “Onto

  1. I would love to read this, but the print is way too small for these old eyes!

  2. I feel your pain. Mental illness is a bitch.

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